Author

Mark Eades

Where’d the Catawampus all go?

by Mark Eades July 18, 2018

At Knott’s Berry Farm in Ghost Town, near the stables and beneath the windmill stands an odd creature known as the Catawampus, or “Species Extinct.” Here is a link to Part 1 of my journey of discovery to learn more about this odd creature. Here is a link to Part 2 of my journey. Below is Part 3 of my journey, read on…

Professor Ananias had found the old Prospector, and was learning more about the habits of the Catawampus that day and night. He did a drawing of one of the ones he saw that evening around the old Prospector’s camp.

It is indeed a strange looking creature. I’m not sure it is real to this day – but the Professor claimed it was, but all he could do was a drawing as he did not have a still camera with him, as they were very expensive back then.

This rough coal sketch of a Catawampus was created by Professor Ananias in 1881. Or so his (wink, wink) journal says.

This drawing was from his journal that I found the only copy of, so I kept reading…

September 21, 1881

I finished my sketch of one of the creatures and noticed that the herd had stopped moving. They were also getting harder to see as the old Prospector’s fire was dying down and the moon was disappearing under some clouds.

“You better get inside your tent and tie it shut, feels like a storm’s comin,” said the old Prospector.

I pointed out towards the Catawampus herd, “Why aren’t they moving around?”

The Prospector shrugged, “I think they do that so any coyotes coming by won’t know they’re alive, then they jump ‘em and get a meal.”

I just nodded, in slight disbelief. We both saw some lightning off in the distance. We both made sure our horses were secure in the Prospector’s makeshift stable, and I turned in, securely tying my tent flap.

The occasional lightning flash made it hard to sleep but I finally started dozing off when I was startled by a yelp. But it was pitch black and started to rain so stayed in my tent. I could hear some movement over where the herd was, they were in the dry wash.

The rain grew more intense, and I could hear the herd moving around – it sounded like they were moving away. Then I heard a roar of water rushing down the ravine, followed by more intense lightning and thunder and more rain. It was safer to stay in my tent on the higher ground.

Eventually the rain died down, and so did the sound of the rushing water – then it got strangely quiet. I peeked out the flap, but could not see a thing. I yawned and went back to sleep.

That morning, I woke up with a start, the horse was making some noise. I grabbed the sack of horse feed I had with me and went outside. The Prospector was at the stable, feeding his horse. I brought over my feed for my horse.

Looking around at the wash, all I could see was evidence of where the water had been, and a few small pools of water still standing – soon to be gone by the rising sun.

“Where’d they go?” I asked the Prospector.

He shrugged, “Probably run off thanks to that storm, or could have been washed downstream. But they got themselves a coyote last night.” He pointed at a carcass of a coyote, pretty much picked clean on the banks of the wash. Flies were already buzzing around the carcass.

While my horse ate its fill, I wandered down to the wash – there were no tracks of any kind.

“Thanks to that storm, you probly won’t find any tracks for them,” the Prospector said.

I nodded, but was determined to continue my journey and even try to trap one to bring back to the college. I packed up my things and thanked the Prospector.

“Good luck, they’re hard to find and can blend into any woods,” he said as I rode off.

Before going downstream, I went upstream and found that the flash flood had washed away the strange purple berry plant. The Catawampus would probably not be returning to this location any time soon. So I turned my horse around and we headed downstream.

November 1, 1881

I’ve spent the better part of a month looking for any sign of the Catawampus, but can find nothing. I hear stories once in a while, all of them pointing towards them heading up into the San Bernardino mountains.

December 20, 1881

It’s getting cold in these mountains, ice is on the ground and snow is at the higher altitudes. I’m running low on funds and have found no sign of the Catawampus at all, though have heard some talk about finding dead coyotes here and there.

As much as I hate to admit it, I must return home back east and report my findings for now. I hope my colleagues will trust what I have to say and not laugh me out of the college.

— Well that was the last entry of Professor Ananias’ journal from then. He was, indeed, ridiculed, for his findings. He left that college, and took up another trade, that of railroading – serving at first as a fireman, then an engineer on one of the narrow-gauge railroads that were servicing both the mining and the logging operations in the Rockies.

But he never gave up his quest, and after decades, in his senior years, came west to California again, after hearing rumors of a strange wooden creature somewhere near Barstow.

Face to face with the Old Prospector and the Catawampus

by Mark Eades July 11, 2018

I continued reading Professor Ananias’ journal. He entitled the next entry in his journal, “Meeting the old Prospector.”

Here is that entry: September 20, 1881 – I’ve been following the tracks of the old prospector’s mule and those beside it of holes spaced just like four-legged animals for a few days. They lead into a canyon. Cautiously, I urge my horse forward.

This Catawampus stands beneath the windmill in Ghost Town at Knott’s Berry Farm. Photo by Mark Eades.

As we moved further up into the canyon, I heard a lot of clicking noises, mixed with a variety of what sounded like cows mooing.

My horse tripped on a rock, making a neigh sound as it recovered. I stopped, and the noises I heard had stopped too.

We slowly set out again making little noise. Shortly, the clattering sound like wood sticks being clapped together started up again, along with the cows mooing, but it sounded like they were moving away from us, faster than we would ever catch up.

Rounding a bend, we saw a small campfire with coffee brewing next to it. On the ground could be seen many of the holes that looked like they were made by some strange animals. Then I spotted an old man, standing outside his tent at the ready with his shotgun.

“Ya scared them off,” the old, bearded man said.

“What was that?”

“Ya scared them away,” he said.

“What did we scare away?” I asked.

“The Catawampus.”

“The Catawampus?”

“Yep,” he said as he spit something out. “The Catawampus, they’re a little shy about bein’ seen.”

I nodded.

The old man beckoned me down off my horse.

“Ya want some coffee?”

“Why thank you,” I said.

The old man had probably not shaved in a couple years, and who knew when he had last bathed, as we were in a desert and water was hard to come by.

“I spect they went up the canyon to the spring, if it ain’t dried up yet,” he said as he poured me a cup of coffee. I tried a sip, it wasn’t bad – it had a hint of berry in the flavor that reminded me of the blackberries back home, causing me to smile.

“Like that coffee?”

“As a matter of fact, I do, there’s a hint of some kind of berry, like blackberry.”

“It tain’t black berry. I found a few of these big purple berries, ne’er seen ‘em before. But them critters seem to like the leaves of the bushes they grow on. There’s a few up at the spring. But if the water’s dry, they’ll probably die off,” he said.

The boysenberry vines at Knott’s Berry Farm. The Catawampus reportedly likes the leaves of the Boysenberry Vine. Photo by Mark Eades.

Then he offered his hand, “My name’s Dusty Mule, some call me crazy, and I know some refer to me as the ‘Old Prospector,’ but Dusty’ll do.”

“A pleasure to meet you, Dusty,” I said as I shook his purple-stained hand. “I’m Professor Aranias.”

“You’re kinda young to be a professor.”

“I graduated from college at the age of 16 and got my masters at 17.

“Why’d ya come out here?

“This is research for my doctoral thesis for a small college back east. I study and research new animals not really documented by scientists.”

“Well ya come to the right place. These little fellows took a liking to me, probably cause I like them purple berries and don’t touch the leaves.”

“May I ask why you call them Catawampus?”

“I dunno. Maybe cuz they’re a little Catawampus from any regular animal I’ve ever seen.”

“I’d like to see them and study them.”

Well, I think they’ll be back, they’re a little shy about bein’ seen by strangers. But I don’t think they’re gonna stick around this area much longer.”

“Why is that?”

“Cuz that purple berry plant don’t look like it’s gonna last much longer – so I spect they’ll start out across the desert to find more of them or something else they want to eat.”

“What do they look like?”

“Well, you probly won’t believe me, but they look like a bunch of bare sticks put together, with a small barrel for a heard, two horns that face down, and some hair that looks like dried grass.”

“You’re right, I don’t believe you.”

“Well that’s the truth. You want more?”

I rolled my eyes and then nodded, “Sure, why not.” I made like I was writing all this down when, in fact, I was not.

“Well they have a mighty strange appetite. Besides the leaves of these plants with the purple berries, they eat coyotes.”

I didn’t know whether to believe him or not, but I had seen a few remains of eaten coyotes on my trek out to his campsite.

As it was getting dark, the Old Prospector served me up a homemade cobbler with some of that purple fruit. I will say, for a grizzled old man, he sure knew how to make a good cobbler.

As we stared at the fire, we heard a coyote yell, that was cut off suddenly.

“They got another one. Useful to keep the coyotes away,” Dusty said.

I just nodded. He went on.

“There used to be as many Catawampus as there were buffalo in the old west, but with more and more humans, their numbers have gone down as humans have scared them away. Farmers keep them away from their crops cause they think they eat their crops, but that’s the crows and other critters.”

“Do you think they’ll come back by your camp tomorrow?”

“I think they’ll come by tonight, now hold real still and turn around slow. There’s a few of them right behind you.”

I slowly turned and what I saw was, well, strange and weird, and exactly as described. I tried to count how many, but could see how many there were in the campfire lit darkness.

“That’s all the closer they’ll get, they’re kinda wary of fire.”

After seeing them in person, I agreed with the Old Prospector. They looked like they were made of sticks and just as he’d described. To say I was surprised is an understatement. All I could do was stare and wish I’d had one of those still cameras. I slowly got out my drawing pad.

Editor’s note: This is part two of a multi-part series. Here is a link to Part 1. Here is a link to Part 3. Return to this site in a week for the next installment in the series.

July 11, 2018 0 comment

Knott's Berry Farm theme parks

What of the Catawampus?

by Mark Eades July 4, 2018

At Knott’s Berry Farm in Ghost Town, near the stables and beneath the windmill stands an odd creature known as the Catawampus, or “Species Extinct.” This is Part 1 of a multi-part story.

Now in the past it was thought that the adult Catawampus seen there was a male and was the last one – but now experts are beginning to wonder maybe it’s not that extinct, as now there is a young Catawampus right next to the adult at Knotts. Leading them to believe that maybe the Catawampus at the Farm was not male, but female. There’s no real way to tell even up close.

Or is it that the males take care of the young like some species?

And a second question: Since there is a young one does that mean there are more out there somewhere and they are starting to regrow their numbers like the buffalo?

I set out to find out more, and in my intense search for more information I found the lost journals of Professor Ananias who was, until his disappearance years ago into an abandoned mine in the town of Calico, the expert on the creature that looks like it is made of bare tree branches, known as a Catawampus, or “Species Extinct.”

Here is the first entry from Professor Ananias’ journal: “May 1, 1881 – I arrived at Calico, a new town that sprang up almost overnight due to a discovery of a massive vein of silver. But my interest was not in silver, gold or other such intrinsic things. Rather, I was more interested in the older prospectors’ stories of strange wooden creatures seen in the desert areas. I hope to find one or two of them willing to talk to me. I suspect I will be purchasing them a beverage at the local saloon to loosen their tongues. Secondhand reports indicate that upon sightings of the creatures they were apparently startled into silence. It makes me wonder what it was they saw that could have frightened them so.”

A Catawampus and its offspring live in Ghost Town at Knott’s Berry Farm

Apparently, the Professor did not find anyone who would talk for some time as his next few entries were simple ones: “June 30, 1881 – Still searching for anyone who will talk to me about this strange creature, though I did find out they were calling it a ‘Catawampus.’ I’m not sure if that is its real name, or just one they have called it. It appears to be a name based on something gone askew. Or maybe they spotted it after walking across an area in a strange manner, or maybe the creature travels in a strange manner.”

Then a few months later, the Professor stumbled across someone who would talk: “September 14, 1881 – I decided to roam around the hills in search of an old prospector named Dusty Mule, after Goldie told me she had heard him talk of the creature during one of his visits to her establishment. No one seemed to know where he was located. But I persevered.

I happened to see a lone strand of mule tracks going into the hills one evening and started to follow them, but it was getting dark and there was no moon. So, I stopped and made camp near a small clump of cacti. As the darkness took hold, I heard the sounds of the night in this forsaken wilderness – that of the coyote mixed in with the sounds of cows mooing in the dark. I thought that the cows were giving away their position in the dark to the coyote. Then I heard one moo a little louder followed by the yelp of a coyote that sounded like it was caught in a trap – then a ghostly silence. No coyote or cows heard the rest of the night. I fell into an uneasy slumber.

Sometime later that night I thought I heard what sounded like the clatter of wooden sticks being clapped together outside my tent where I had bedded down for the night. My horse did not seem to mind it at all. I was tired from not getting any sleep and ignored it. Pretty soon the wooden clapping sound moved away and I went back to sleep.”

A strange sound indeed per the Professor’s journal. What could make a sound like a cow, when there were no cows for miles around? I read on:

“The next morning, I arose and quietly poked my head outside the tent. My horse was still there, but when I looked down at the ground, I saw what appeared to be small holes in the ground. They appeared to be round, of various diameters ranging from less than one inch to nearly three inches. It seemed to me someone was playing tricks on me as the holes were spaced just like that of four-legged animals. They also paralleled the tracks of the old prospector’s mule into the hills. I resolved to follow them and packed up my tent, saddled my horse and set off.”

Editor’s note: This is part one of a multi-part series. For Part 2 click here. For Part 3, click here.

July 4, 2018 0 comment

children Daddy Zone Disney Disneyland fatherhood kids parenting parents

Adventures in the Daddy Zone with the baby at Disneyland

by Mark Eades June 15, 2018

Editor’s note: This was originally written and to be published in the June 2018 edition of Parenting OC Magazine. But do to space limitations it was cut. So it is posted here by the author.

Well here I was, sitting on a bench under the shade of a tree in the Central Plaza at Disneyland. With me was our daughter, then about eight months old. Where was Mom? She was off in the long line for Pirates of the Caribbean with our four-year-old son.

He decided Mom deserved a trip to Disneyland for her birthday. Meanwhile I, the Dad, got to come too as it was Father’s Day, but it really meant I would watch baby sister while they went on a bunch of Disneyland attractions, especially those the baby could not ride.

My wife really knows how to get ready for trips to places like Disneyland. She was determined to not bring a stroller. So, we had a front pack for our daughter, and a backpack with all the baby stuff in it: Formula, bottles, baby food, disposable diapers, a change of clothes, extra blankets, two containers of baby wipes, and large, sealable, baggies to put, well, soiled things in.

The last would come in handy, as I would find out.

Thankfully, before they ran off to see the pirates, my wife took our daughter into the ladies’ bathroom and changed our daughter’s wet diaper. I figured that would hold her for a while. But my wife also assured me there were changing tables in the men’s bathrooms too.

I’m a little old-school. If my daughter did something while my wife was gone, I really didn’t want to have to change my daughter’s diaper in a men’s room. But I also did not want to do it out in the open on a Disneyland park bench either. My wife pointed across the plaza.

“There’s a Baby Care Center over there, I’m sure they can help you out,” she said as the two of them took off to get in the 90-minute line for Pirates of the Caribbean.

Now the nice thing about being a Dad with a baby, is that all the people like to stop by and make fun faces at the baby. And I will admit some of them were some nice-looking women. But I digress.

There we were, baby daughter and me sitting across from Sleeping Beauty Castle. She seemed to be very happy. When the horses pulling the street cars stopped nearby, we would walk over to them; she really liked them. Mary Poppins and Bert strolled by and said “Hello.” She really liked that.

We watched some ducks waddle by for a handout, I had a box of popcorn and “accidentally” spilled some on the ground for them. It went fine with my cup of soda, which did have a baby spillage prevention device on it, better known as a lid.

Things were going along fine for about an hour when she got fussy. Usually a sign that she wanted to either eat or drink something, so I carefully set my popcorn and drink down on the bench and got a ready to go bottle of formula of a side pocket of the backpack, and a baby blanket from another pocket. The bottle satisfied her for a while.

Then she spit the bottle out, obviously full. I set the bottle down next to the popcorn and soda, put the blanket on my shoulder, put her up there, gave her a few pats on the back and she burped. I was a pro at this. Then I laid her down on the blanket, with an arm in place to keep her from rolling off.

What a lovely day, she was kicking and smiling and goo-gooing. As I watched people taking pictures in front of the castle. I wasn’t really paying attention when she stopped making noise. I looked down at her and saw she was making a face of great concentration.

Oh oh. Did I just hear some music of impending doom? No, it was a different kind of noise – equal to the level of concentration on her face. It was a doom of a different kind – she was going poo-poo. Now normally, at home, this would not be that big a deal. But she was doing it right here on a park bench in the middle of Disneyland.

Worse yet, it was massive as it started to ooze out the sides of the diaper like the Blob and onto the blanket. And the smell? It was worse than anything the horses could do. I panicked and quickly grabbed the bottle of formula and stuffed it into the backpack – knocking over the popcorn in the process, to the great joy of the ducks in the area.

I needed to get to the Baby Care Center – and fast, as the daytime parade was approaching and I needed to get across Main Street U.S.A. before it arrived at the crossing. I wrapped her into the blanket, hiding the evidence of her dastardly deed, and quickly headed across the plaza, leaving my soda behind. Oh well, Disneyland’s Custodial staff, I was sure, would make quick work of that.

I did get stuck at the crossing while the first few floats passed, I had visions of her poo-poo oozing out like the Blob and devouring all nearby. Finally, they let us cross. I strived not to bump into anyone while carrying a baby with a diaper full of bad news. Suffice it to say, I made it to the Baby Care Center.

The Disneyland Baby Care Center is located just off the Central Plaza (also known as “The Hub”) at Disneyland. Inside the entry lobby there is a photo of Walt Disney when he was a baby on the wall. Photo by Mark Eades.

When I entered, it was like I’d gone to heaven for anyone needing to deal with feeding, nursing or having to change extremely dirty poo-pooed diapers like me. I thought I even heard angels singing.

The two Cast Members inside took one look at me and seemed to immediately understand what was going on. They directed me to one of the changing stations, which also had a nice paper liner on it to keep it clean from messes like my daughter’s.

One even asked if I needed any other assistance. I said no, but that they might want to hold their noses.

“We’re used to that, but this facility has excellent air circulation to take care of any unwanted odors,” the Cast Member said as she smiled.

I laid my daughter down, she seemed to relish squirming around in her mess. This was going to be a multiple baby wipe extravaganza to clean this mess up. I set the backpack emptied it, then proceeded to undo the diaper and was immediately assaulted by a pile of goo that would have been better handled by a large bulldozer.

I opened up two of the large zip top baggies; one for the diaper and wet baby wipes, the other for everything else. It took about 15 minutes to clean up the mess, with my daughter constantly moving the whole time. Finally, I was done. The dirty diaper and wet wipes filled one baggie, the dirty clothes and now dirty blanket filled the other. I sealed them both up and looked around for a waste basket for the one. The ladies pointed.

“Looks like you’ve done this before,” one of them said as they changed the paper liner.

“You might need to feed her soon,” the other Cast Member said.

I nodded and got out a jar of food, then realized there was no spoon in the backpack. One of them offered me a disposable plastic spoon, and suggested I take a few more with me.

Thank goodness for the Cast Members at the Baby Care Center. After feeding my daughter, I packed everything, not as neatly as my wife had done, and went outside. The parade had passed, and I could see my wife and son strolling this way, thank goodness, as I suddenly realized I needed to use the restroom.

The Disneyland Baby Care Center is located just off the Central Plaza (also known as “The Hub”) at Disneyland. Inside, parents or guardians can find a variety of things to support those with babies. In addition, the center serves as the location for lost children or lost parents. Photo by Mark Eades.

–Some additional tips from Linda Marquez, a Disneyland Park Specialist of the Disney Parks Moms Panel: “Traveling with infants is making sure they are comfortable while at the parks. Bring along kid-approved sunscreen, a hat to provide shade from the sun, and a small, portable fan to keep cool. You will definitely want to bring your stroller from home or rent one at the parks. A stroller is not only the safest and most efficient way to get your little one around the parks, but it’s also an excellent place to store your belongings and a comfy spot for your little one to take a snooze. If you use a baby carrier or wrap, you can wear your baby on the majority of attractions that do not have height requirements.”

Personally, my wife and I always found it easier to go without a stroller. It was easier to move throughout the parks, and we’re good with backpacks. The Baby Care Center in each of the Disneyland Resort’s two parks have a microwave, handy for warming formula. In addition, it is the place that any lost children or lost parents can be found as well.

June 15, 2018 0 comment

Disneyland

Walt Distant’s Enchanted Beefy Room

by Mark Eades March 27, 2018

(Editor’s note: This is written as a satire, so Disney can’t sue me!)

As we enter the corral of “West Distant’s Enchanted Beefy Room,” we are surrounded by the ghosts of the Old West as they appear in their Cactus form.

While waiting here, we’re invited to purchase one of Old Dole’s whips, made from real cowhide leather. Not much to drink here except for water from the trough, filled with a bucket from a nearby well. A bit uncomfortable too, as we have to get down on our knees and lap it up just like a horse or a cow.

The building appears to be an old barn. The corral is all dirt, just like found at any ranch. Mixed in with the dirt are bits of hay, horse apples and cow manure, leaving us with the delicate aroma normally found here.

A voice can be heard from one of the cactus plants that looks like an Old West cowboy.

“My name is Shadow, cowboys call me the shorty one. I am scorched from the sun and haven’t a clue what time it is. I’m so short I don’t have a shadow at all, so cowboys can’t get a clue as to what the time of day is.”

A voice pops up from another cactus shaped liked a donkey.

“Howdy partner, I am an ass. I don’t dance, I don’t move, but I’m part Agave, so if you drink my nectar after it is made into Tequila, I might give you a head ache! Just like the one I got from closing down the bar last night.”

A large withered-old cactus speaks up.

“Me Mongo. No one good to me. Me once star in movie. My thorns so dull, animals use me for a clawing post. Now just old and no longer cactus in game of desert.”

A large Saguaro suddenly speaks.

“I am Hot Mama. I’m the babe of this here garden. I like to tease my husband, Tiny Papa.”

A small cactus next to the large Saguaro starts shaking.

“Yes, she does, but I like it, even when she’s sticking it to me.”

The hay bale hanging from the loft starts to sway, as the old windmill starts to turn – even though there is no wind at all. The windmill speaks.

“I am windmill, without me there would be no water in this dry forsaken place.”

The Hay Bale speaks.

“Without water, there would be no hay, then no ranch, no corral. That wouldn’t bother me at all, I’m tired of hangin’ around up here. I think I’ll fall down on all the folks standing around in the corral.”

A cowboy comes out from inside the barn, firing his six-gun into the air.

“Okay, that’s the last straw Hay Bale, there’s been enough complainin’ out here in the corral. Time for me to round up these folks and git them on into the barn for the show.”

No automatic doors here, the cowboy has to swing open the barn doors, which creak due to the lack of grease in these here parts.

“Cowboys and cowgirls! Come on in for a rootin’ tootin’ show of fun western and prairie songs in West Distant’s Enchanted Beefy Room!”

As people enter the barn, they’re directed to sit on a variety of saddles, hitching posts or the floor. Most would rather stand then sit on the dirt floor where there is a mixture of, well you know…

Above everyone, in the darkened rafters of the barn, can be seen some distinct shadows of what appear to be cows.

The room lights dim, one light is shined onto the floor, the cowboy cracks a whip as he steps into the pool of light.

“Yee haw, cowboys and cowgirls. Are y’all ready for a really moovin’ show?”

He looks around the room, expecting a response. Getting none, he cracks the whip again.

“I said YEE HAW! Y’all ready for a rootin’ tootin’ udderly moovin’ show?”

Everyone yells “Yee haw,” aided by the sound system recording of a western crowd saying, “Yee haw!”

“Well let’s get this rodeo started. I don’t want to start a stampede for the door, so let me quietly wake up Josie.”

The cowboy cracks his whip up in the air on one side of the room. Snoring, that almost sounds like mooing, is heard.

The cowboy gets out his six-gun, fires it and cracks the whip again.

“Get along there Josie, it’s show time!”

A light is shined on a bull sitting in a saddle swing above the audience. He slowly opens her eyes, stretching her hooves and looks around.

“You’re not Josie. Where’d she go Ralph?” asks the cowboy.

In a distinct Brooklyn voice, he responds, “She’s out on the range. What are you bothering me for, Pardner? Can’t you see I’m sleepin’?”

The cowboy responds, “These here city folks came for a show. Looks like you’re gonna have to do it.”

“Hey, I’m sleeping here,” Ralph says in his New York accent. “I’m going back to sleep.” He starts to close eyes. The cowboy draws his gun and aims it at Ralph.

“Don’t make me come up there and send you out with the herd, get a move on ya little dogie,” says the cowboy.

“Who you calling dogie, you’re not even a real cowboy!” says Ralph.

“And you’re not a real bull, you’re a robot” says the cowboy.

Ralph snorts.

“Now get moovin with the show,” says the cowboy.

“All right, all right,” says Ralph as he looks around at the audience.

“Look at all the people staring at me, they must know a handsome bull when they see one.”

“Ralph, the show?” says the cowboy.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Howdy pardners, welcome to West Distant’s Enchanted Beefy Barn. Who the heck came up with that name?”

“Ralph.”

“Well it’s corny. Okay, let’s rustle up the others. Hey Sigfried, wake your tired leather encased body up, we gotta put on a show!”

Sigfried yawns and stretches. “Whoa, good thing I woke up. Look out below folks.”

There is the sound of a fart. The cowboy cracks his whip.

“False alarm,” says Sigfried. “Okay, okay, I’m moovin. Hey Dingus, stop chewin’ that cud and let’s get goin.”

Dingus chomps on his cud, then stops as the light shines on him. “Hold on a second.” He swallows his cud. “I wish I’d already swallowed that cud. Hey! There’s supposed to be four of us, where the heck is Jubal?”

The sound of a barn door opening and closing can be heard, along with a loud “Moo!” and what sounds like bull hoofs walking into one of the stalls.

A young male voice responds. “He’s sleeping off yesterday’s stampede, so I’m covering for him.”

Ralph snorts and says, “Who are you?”

The young bull says, “I’m Yippee, the intern.”

All the other bulls snort in derision.

Ralph says, “This is a lot of bull.”

Sigfried says, “Be careful folks, we’re stepping in it now.”

Dingus says, “Come on guys, give him a chance. There’s people watchin.’”

Sigfried says, “Isn’t he your nephew?”

Dingus says, “My son, one of 30.”

Ralph says, “Now who’s bragging?”

The cowboy stomps in, “Hey, let’s get a moovin with the show!”

Ralph says, “All right, all right. Let’s round up the rest of the herd. MOOO!”

Lights come on around the barn, highlighting a variety of western critters. In several stalls are a variety of horses. Some sheep are in another pen, and a billy goat stands atop a barrel. There are a couple of raccoons, startled, as they were caught dipping their hands into a barrel of feed. Some owls hoot up in the rafters, and in large vases attached to posts out pop the heads of some rattling rattlers.

Ralph yells out, “Yee haw, hit it!”

Everyone starts singing.

“In the beefy, beefy, beefy, beefy, beefy room, in the beefy, beefy, beefy, beefy, beefy room.”

Ralph sings, “All the bulls will yodel,”

Sigfried sings, “And the horses will neigh!”

Everyone, “In the beefy, beefy, beefy, beefy, beefy room.”

Ralph sings, “Welcome into our smelly old barn, you stupid city folk you. If we weren’t inside our smelly barn, we’d be out in the fields with them female cows.”

Dingus says, “Hey there’s a kid here.”

Zippy says, “I know what he’s talkin’ bout.”

Sigfried starts the chorus again.

“In the beefy, beefy, beefy, beefy, beefy room, in the beefy, beefy, beefy, beefy, beefy room.”

Ralph sings, “All the bulls will yodel,”

Sigfried sings, “And the horses will neigh!”

Everyone, “In the beefy, beefy, beefy, beefy, beefy room.”

Suddenly a triangle rings, interrupting the singing by the bulls. A large parrot appears in the hay loft.

The parrot says, “What the hell is going on in here? I thought I was flying north to be in a Tiki room review, somehow I ended up in this roundup – in a barn full of bull.”

Ralph says, “That’s bulls and we don’t take no manure.”

Everyone sings, “In the beefy, beefy, beefy, beefy, beefy barn.”

The music ends with a flourish.

“Now I’ve heard it all,” says the parrot. “Watch out for the Tiki gods,” he says as he flies back out.

“Tiki gods?” asks Zippy.

“Wrong show,” says Dingus.

“Time to bring in the girls!” says Ralph.

All the bulls moo together.

“Let’s herd them in here,” says Sigfried.

“We can’t,” says Ralph. “They have to come in from above.”

The ceiling opens up.

“I sure hope that’s a big crane,” says Dingus.

“Oh yes,” says Zippy. “I calculated the weight of the cows, added in a 20 percent factor for udder stuff. We should be safe.”

A large chandelier structure with several female sheep on it lowers into the center of the barn.

“What happened to the cows?” asks Ralph.

“They were too heavy, so I asked the Ewes to sub in,”

“Sheep,” says Dingus with disgust.

“Yeah, well baa to you too,” says one of the sheep.

“We don’t mean to bleat in on your show, but we wanted to pull the wool over your eyes,” says another sheep.

“Where’s a sheep dog when you need one?” asks Sigfried.

There’s a bark from a dog house in the corner, followed by a snore…

“I guess we’re stuck with them, hit it girls,” says Ralph.

The sheep start singing.

“Let’s all yodel like cowboys do. Baa, baa, baa, baa, baa, baa.”

“Hold it,” says Dingus. “That’s not yodeling, did you lose your way?”

“Baa, baa, baa,” sing the ewes.

“That sounds like a boy band,” says Sigfried.

The girls continue…

“Let’s all yodel like cowboys do.”

The sheep dog sticks its head out of the doghouse. “Howl, howl, howl, howl, howl, howl!”

The Parrot flies back in.

“What the hell is all that racket?”

Zippy pipes up, “Well we had to put sheep on the thing in the middle as the cows were udderly too heavy, and they’re not singing the yodeling the right way. Then the sheep dog tried to help…”

“Yee gads, what a mess,” says the parrot.

“Are you talking about the song, or the floor of the barn?” asks Ralph.

“Both,” says the parrot.

“We can yodel if that’s what you want,” says one of the sheep.

“Yeah, we want to get paid too.”

“Paid?” asks Ralph.

“Yeah, I had to promise them we’d pay them to perform,” says Zippy.

Everyone stares at each other in awkward silence.

Sigfried pipes up, “I suppose we can give them some feed.”

“What are you trying to do, fleece us?” says one of the sheep.

Ralph sighs. “No. But since you’re here, go ahead and sing it the way you want.”

The sheep continue.

“Let’s all yodel like cowboys do. Baa, yodel, baa, yodel, baa yodel. Take your cue from the sheep, now you all do what you want. Baa, yodel, baa, yodel, baa, yodel.”

Suddenly some Tiki Gods up in a corner light up in anger and pound some drums.

“Hey, how’d we get some Tiki Gods in here,” asks Sigfried.

“I think they’re leftover from that Disney show,” says Ralph.

“Oh.”

The Tiki Gods start to chant. There is a clap of thunder, then the wind starts howling. A tumbleweed is seen tumbling across the prairie through the window.

All sing, “See them tumbling down….”

At that point it starts to rain outside, but the barn leaks and water comes down inside.

They change songs. “We’re singing in the rain. Just singing in the rain.”

The parrot flies in again.

“Flash flood coming!”

Water comes crashing through the door, carrying all the humans out with it.

“I guess that’s the show,” says Ralph.

“Yep,” says Sigfried.

“I wonder where the people went?” asks Dingus.

“Let’s get out of here and find us a few of them cows!” says Ralph. All the lights go dark.

THE END

March 27, 2018 0 comment

Disney Disneyland

Are too many regular visitors wrecking Disneyland’s Haunted Mansion experience?

by Mark Eades February 22, 2018

Visiting Disneyland is almost always fun, but sometimes the visit can have its challenges – rarely from the park, almost certainly from other visitors.

Thanks to Annual Passes, there are a lot more “regulars” who visit Disneyland on a regular basis. They still enjoy themselves (I would hope so at the prices some pay for the higher end passes!) but the question I have to ask is: Do they enjoy it just for themselves at the expense of others?

So here comes some food for thought about some things us “regulars” should consider when visiting Disneyland on one of our regular visits.

One of my favorite attractions is the Haunted Mansion. It was, when it opened, one of the most ground-breaking and innovative attractions ever made. So successful it has stood the test of time and is still popular nearly 50 years after it opened.

But that popularity and repeated visits have created some odd circumstances for anyone going through the attraction.

Before I get to those odd circumstances, a brief synopsis of the attraction.

This is not just a ride, it truly is an attraction. It starts with the approach to the mansion, a Victorian looking structure, complete with pillars and a porch. Not really that foreboding looking.

Then one enters the foyer, where the enveloping into the experience begins. Eerie organ music plays, and after a few moments (depending on the timing of one’s entrance into the space) a voice is heard. “When hinges creak in doorless chambers, and strange and frightening sounds echo through the halls. Whenever candlelights flicker where the air is deathly still (the air is still in here and the candlelights are flickering.) – that is the time when ghosts are present, practicing their terror with ghoulish delight.”

Okay, this is where the people and more comes in. Some of the “regulars” are trying to appreciate the experience right at the start. Still other “regulars” feel they should be a part of the show and start either mouthing those words quietly, or out loud. Still others have seen it so many times that they just keep their conversations from waiting in the queue line going – in complete disregard for others trying to enjoy the show.

Finally, you have the newbies, those who haven’t seen it before – and because of all those different “regulars,” they aren’t quite sure if they should be quiet, talk amongst themselves or what. Of course, the other factor is if the attraction host or hostess has closed the foyer entrance door in time to block out the outside light and signal that something is about to start.

Next comes Act 2, the art gallery room, known to “regulars” as the “Stretching Room.”

A wall (door) opens to reveal that room, one with art work on the walls, and everyone moves into it. The voice continues by introducing himself, “I am your host, your ghost host.”

Now usually, some of the guests (regulars and newbies) are talking as they move into this room, while others are looking around and straining to hear the ghost host voice of Paul Frees.

Here is where the problems I talked about happening in the foyer come to the forefront.

Depending on the mix of “regulars” and newbies, the Stretching Room can, at times, be Disney’s version of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.” There are times when you can’t hardly hear the Ghost Host because everyone, or nearly everyone, is saying the infamous words out loud. Imagine, an enclosed room of 90 or so people talking and saying the same thing all at once. Sort of surreal.

Then comes this, “Of course, there’s always my way,” followed by a person who has been hung up in the rafters, then total darkness and a scream. And many people do scream – very loudly.

Many young ones, especially those who have never experienced this before, are very frightened by this, effectively ruining what should be an eerie, yet comical, experience for them and their parents.

Next, it’s time for the walk down the hallway and boarding the “Doom Buggies,” Disney’s term for the Omnimover ride vehicles that will take visitors on a ride through the rest of the Haunted Mansion.

This experience can be slowed down due to guests with disabilities trying to board or exit the Omnimovers, and I have no problem with this at all. No, it is others that are riding that can take one right out of this immersive experience. There are some who take flash photos of the ride now that’s where “regulars” either know better (that the flash will ruin the shot) or they want to take the flash to show the “secrets” the Imagineers used to create the ride.

Still others have their phones or iPads up and running, their screens visible throughout the whole ride by those in the adjoining Omnimover vehicles. Sigh, kind of annoying.

I don’t know that there is a solution to all these issues, as different folks enjoy Disneyland different ways. But I feel there is a societal issue at play here, bigger than Disneyland. That of people not considering the feelings and effects of their actions on others.

It’s part of the selfishness that has reared its ugly head in the current social media driven society.

So, here’s what I would like to see: “Regulars” start being a little more aware of others, “regulars” and newbies, trying to enjoy their visit without intrusion from others. Think of it as being neighborly. Don’t carry on a loud conversation inside an attraction. Don’t take flash photos, it’s just downright rude. Be discreet in your use of smart phones or iPads. Try to enjoy the Haunted Mansion, and let others enjoy the classic entertainment created by Walt Disney’s original Imagineers in all its eerie glory. And if you can’t do that as you’ve seen it so many times, then maybe consider not visiting the attraction for a while so you can maybe enjoy it like new again.

Just my thoughts, I’m sure some will disagree, and that’s okay.

February 22, 2018 3 comments

Disney California Adventure Uncategorized

Fun Yamaha Concert at NAMM

by Mark Eades January 26, 2015

I was lucky enough to get to attend Yamaha’s NAMM 2015 Concert. It was held in the Hyperion Theater at Disney California Adventure Friday night, January 23rd.

Sinbad was the emcee for the Yamaha NAMM 2015 Concert at the Hyperion Theater at Disney California Adventure.

The line-up of musical talent was very impressive with the three and a half hour concert emceed by Sinbad.

The Piano Guys do their thing on a Yamaha Grand Piano. No, they did not wreck the piano.

The first act was “The Piano Guys.” What the four of them do to a piano should be illegal, but its wonderfully exciting.

The next to perform was Tom Scott on his saxophone. He also doubled as the conductor of the more than 30 piece orchestra for the night. And baby, he made that sax talk.

Nathan East got the chance to perform a song from his new album. He was the musical director for the night.

Toto on stage at the Yamaha NAMM 2015 concert.

He also played with Toto, which also featured Mr. Talkbox. Toto also performed their classic “Africa.”

Colbie Caillat sang “Bubbly” along with two of her other hit songs at the Yamaha NAMM 2015 Concert.

Colbie Caillat came out next to perform three of her hits, bringing the crowd to its feet.

Next up was Bob James, the 75-year-old piano and jazz fusion legend. He performed one of his classics with the orchestra, then played a tune with Nathan East.

Bob James, the 75-year-old piano and Jazz Fusion legend, plays a song with Nathan East.

Then Bob James tinkled the ivories of the Yamaha Grand Piano on his own, bringing the crowd to its feet for a standing ovation.

Jonathan Butler plays his guitar and sings for the audience at the Yamaha NAMM 2015 concert.

Jonathan Butler sent the audience soaring with his magical finger work on his guitar, and with his soaring voice, causing yet another standing ovation.

James Blunt stopped by from his overseas tour to sing some of his love songs.

James Blunt came out, fresh from his overseas tour, and had the audience singing along with some of his songs.

Jaimie Cullum brought his brand of exciting piano play to the Hyperion Theater Stage at Disney California Adventure for the Yamaha NAMM 2015 Concert.

Finally, Jamie Cullum closed out the show with his electric performance on the piano and his remarkable singing. But that was not all. For a finale he brought Bob James out and the two of them played a classic Cole Porter tune, in an exhilarating fashion.

The artists showed how music can be played without artificial efforts, and how songs can be sung without autotune. All I can say is “Wow!”

January 26, 2015 0 comment

Disneyland

The 2014 Anaheim Halloween Parade

by Mark Eades October 27, 2014

I went to see the 90th edition of the Anaheim Halloween Parade Saturday night, October 25, 2014. Classic fun community parade. There were a few bands, some silly floats and other fun stuff. Enjoy.

October 27, 2014 0 comment

Imagineer online web

A rant about Copyright theft

by Mark Eades October 1, 2014

Okay, this post is in the form of a rant. I work as a writer, and have gotten over the years very knowledgable about copyright law.

Recently, a person posted a link on Facebook to a blog on their own blog about Disney. The link led to a post on their blog where they had copied and pasted an entire article from another website. They did credit the website.

Now when I pointed out on Facebook that they were in violation of the copyright law, they took offense and called me a troublemaker. Their post on Facebook, however, disappeared. However, the blog they have still has the article. Turns out they, like many other websites, have a lot of copies of photos and more in violation of the copyright law.

Now when I try to explain this, as I have many times, that this is wrong and cheating the writer or copyright owner out of their money and is akin to stealing this person didn’t care. And this is repeated all over the web.

Some say it is okay under the fair use doctrine. That is a myth. It is not legal, even if the website is a non-profit, and you definitely cannot copy an entire article.

Let’s put it another way. You work at what you do, you like to get paid. Well I work at what I do, I write. And I like to get paid for my work. If I do it under a contract for someone, then that is usually a “work-for-hire” and the person or company that hired me usually owns the copyright and can use it as they see fit, depending on the contract we worked out.

But it is still a copyrighted work, so are photos and videos.

When I use photos or videos from others, I always make sure I have permission to use any photo or video that is not my own. If I don’t, then online I only use links to the photos or videos, or if it has embedding code for the video embed it – the copyright holder still gets the commercial money. Same for written words, you can use a few words in the form of an attributed quote. Usually a sentence or two. But that’s it. Any more, you need permission – in writing.

What I do is how I earn a living, and so do others. So please people, don’t be ignorant about copyright law and please don’t steal my words or others on the internet or elsewhere, it’s wrong. It’s stealing.

Google’s Youtube actually has a great website (notice it’s a link) that explains a lot of copyright laws and issues, including the concept of fair use and many of the myths surrounding the fair use doctrine.

If I ever find anyone using any photo or words I have created, I go after them. If I see it through Facebook, then yes I start making comments on the post. And because I believe in others being treated the same way, I do the same even if it isn’t my website being violated.

So, yes, I am a cantankerous curmudgeon about the issue.

Those of you who are stealing, please quit doing that. If it’s mine, I will send you a cease and desist letter, then will contact a lawyer about filing a lawsuit for monetary damages. If I see you doing it to others, I will, when time permits, contact the copyright holder and let them know you are stealing their work.

Be the way, the photo with this article was taken by me, and I own the copyright. You may link to this article all you want. But please do not copy it in its entirety. Same for the photo.

Feel free to comment.

Editor’s note: Someone did comment, but their comment was libelous, so was not approved.

October 1, 2014 4 comments

Carl and Sue Casebeer met at Disneyland while both were working in Frontierland. Him on the Mark Twain, her at the Golden Horseshoe.

Disney Disneyland Disneyland Alumni Club theme parks

A Marriage Made in Frontierland

by Mark Eades August 11, 2014

Carl Casebeer’s Disneyland story started the same day the park opened, on July 17, 1955. No, he wasn’t one of the first cast members. He was a second grader at a local school in Anaheim. His class and many others were invited to the park for opening day. So they boarded buses and were off on an adventure into this new place on Harbor Boulevard. “I spent the whole time in Fantasyland. We were not allowed to go to the other lands,” Carl said.

Carl Casebeer in one of the Adverntureland costumes from the late 1960s.

The memory of that opening day stuck with him so much that when he turned 18 and was finishing up at Anaheim High School, he applied for and got a job at Disneyland, starting with cracking jokes as a skipper on the world famous Jungle Cruise in 1965. Two years later, he was part of the opening crew for Pirates of the Caribbean.

“I really enjoyed working on Pirates,” Carl said, admitting to occasionally joining fellow cast members in pulling a prank on park guests. “We would go out into the ride and stand there like we were one of the Audio-Animatronics pirates. The Tour Guides knew who we were and would point us out,” he said. Somehow, they didn’t get in trouble for that

It was a different story while working on the Mine Train Through Nature’s Wonderland. “I got my only reprimand there when I derailed a train once because I threw the switch at the wrong time.” (No one was hurt in the incident.)

Eventually, he worked on every attraction in Adventureland and Frontierland, including stints as foreman on both shooting galleries. One day, while working at the Adventureland Shooting Gallery, Walt Disney brought his grandson over to shoot. “I didn’t get money or a C coupon from him, so I was short that night.”

A few years later, while working as foreman of the Mark Twain and Columbia Sailing Ship, his sharp eyes saw something he liked. “I spotted a beautiful girl at the entrance to the Golden Horseshoe Review. She had a short dress on and cut an attractive figure. I kept seeing her over there, so I asked the Horseshoe’s foreman about her availability. Turned out she was not taken, so I asked her out.”

Sue (Anderson) Casebeer in her Golden Horseshoe waitress costume.

That girl was Sue Anderson, who had gotten the job after showing off her legs.

“They made me stand up and show them my legs when I was being hired to see if I could work at the Golden Horseshow,” she said. (At the time, the costumes for female food hostesses at the Horseshoe were short skirts.)

Working at the Horseshoe could be a challenge. “One time I dropped a whole tray of cups filled with Pepsi on a guest,” Sue recalled. Another time while cleaning up on the upper level after a show, Sue says she found somewhat startling evidence that a couple up there had been doing more than just watching the show.

Carl and Sue’s first date was at a small employee party held in Frontierland. “I knew she was a good catch when she let me finish her steak on that date,” Carl said. They kept dating and Sue kept waiting tables at the Horseshoe. She eventually left to work as a flight attendant at Western Airlines but that lasted less than a year, as they married on August 22, 1970. “I was always on call, and I was getting married and they (the airlines) discouraged it (marriage) at that time,” she said.

Carl stayed at Disneyland and went on to become an assistant supervisor for Attractions in Tomorrowland. In 1974, he left Disneyland to become a Fotomat manager and eventually went into pharmaceutical sales—a career that lasted 30 years until 2010.

For many years, Sue created homemade ceramic souvenirs, some of which (ceramic chess sets) were even sold at Disneyland. She now makes sculptural jewelry that she and Carl sell at art shows in Oregon, where they have lived for years. Samples of her current work can be found at thegreengypsy.vpweb.com.

Carl and Sue Casebeer and family at Disneyland for a reunion on the occasion of their 44th anniversary during the summer of 2014.

Sue made enough money from her jewelry sales to pay for a special trip to Disneyland this year (2014) for their 44^th anniversary—a trip that featured a reunion with most of their extended family, including three children and six grandchildren, inside Walt Disney’s original Magic Kingdom. Of course, they had to take the whole family on The Jungle Cruise, where they all tried to get Carl to do his old spiel, but he claimed the attraction had changed too much. “We had a fantastic skipper on the ride. Even our five-year-old grandchild, William, liked it,” Carl said.

Carl and Sue Casebeer met at Disneyland while both were working in Frontierland. Him on the Mark Twain, her at the Golden Horseshoe.

The couple is already planning a Disney family reunion for their 50^th anniversary in 2020. “We’re going to try and get everyone to Disney’s Aulani Resort in Hawaii,” Sue said. For the Casebeers, it’s been a truly Disney life.

This profile is part of a series featuring former Disney Cast Members being written for the Disneyland Alumni Club. These stories reveal the role working for Disney has played over the years in shaping the lives of the people who help “make the dream a reality,” as Walt would say.

In honor of the 60th anniversary year of Disneyland in 2015, the Disneyland Alumni Club is reaching out to former employees, whether retired or younger, who may not be aware of the organization. The Club was started in 1983 by Disneyland executives Van France and Dick Nunis as a way to help Cast Members stay in touch after moving on to other careers. Is that you? If so and you’d like to take part in the Club’s private celebration next August—or participate in their many other activities and benefits, please visit www.disneylandalumni.org and join today!

Here’s some previous stories about Disneyland Alumni:

Former Cast Member Remakes Heavenly Music

Lifelong bonds formed working at Disneyland

John Waite Loves Theme Parks

Caretaker of Walt Disney’s Family Film Legacy

A Real Disneyland Character

August 11, 2014 0 comment